A Promising New Business Venture

My dear friend “T” just sent me some info for a new business she and her mother are considering, looking for input from the ever-wise Beonkey.  Yes, her sweet mother “S” has found a second career in sewing baby clothes for adults who want to wear baby clothes (that’s a whole other blog).

Anyway, I think they may be onto something with this new opportunity.  What do YOU think?

———————————-

From:  T

To:  M

Hey! I thought you might be interested in a new product that my dear mother, S, otherwise known as the adult diaper goddess, is considering adding to her product line.

I think it would open the door to a whole other clientele. But, naturally, we thought we would consult with you, given your invaluable interest and advice in her adult baby clothes venture.

Do let us know your thoughts on this matter. Your opinions are like jewels to us, bringing warmth to our…ahem…hearts.

Warmly,

T

From the 1930’s, the Peter Heater  is sewn onto a piece of cardboard, along with the accompanying poem,

sung to the tune of “Happy Days Are Here Again”:

When the winter chill hangs o’er the land


There is nothing that could be sweeter


Than the day you bring out


The long underwear and


The crazy Peter Heater.

With balls enclosed in snuggy wool


And prickering string all tied


One can survive the winter gale


When better men have died.



The old blue nose will glow like fire,


Aged limbs no longer teeter,


And mama too is all pepped up


About the Peter Heater.

———————————————————–

From:  M

To:  T

This would be a legitimate extension of her current line of handmade niche clothing. But I think she will need to charge by the foot (of yarn used, of course).

Naturally, I could never afford her services.

I’m thinking she should require a survey to address various aspects of the job at hand.

1. Accurate measurements are a must – Too big = chaffing. Too small = restricted blood flow.  Poor customer satisfaction either way.

2. Color palette – What if a gentleman was wearing white trousers in the snow? A neon-hued Peter Heater would simply not do. A flesh-colored version would have to be worn.

3. Question #2 would clearly require an accurate in-person match to various fleshy-colored yarn samples. And no, prospective customers cannot submit a photo for her to match. The lighting could throw the whole thing off.

4. Would the customer classify himself as a “grower” or a “shower”? Again, crucial information. She will need to know how much give to crochet into the finished product.

5. Any known textile allergies? I’m guessing wool will be an issue. Synthetic chenille could be a big winner.

Then the standard disclaimers would need to be issued:

1. The Peter Heater is NOT a prophylactic and should not be used as such.

2. The Peter Heater should not be used as a means of affecting the gender of any future offspring. Peter Heater, Inc. will not be held liable for any unusually high instances of female infants.

3. Under no circumcisions, I mean circumSTANCES, should a slipknot be used to secure the Peter Heater.

4. The Peter Heater is not classified as swimwear in 43 of the 50 United States and Peter Heater, Inc. will not be held liable for any public nudity arrests and/or convictions in said states.

5. In reference to #4, the Peter Heater should not be used as swimwear in the other 7 states, especially if it is crafted of wool. Peter Heater, Inc. will not be held liable for shrinkage of any kind as a result of misuse in the water. This includes, but is not limited to, swim meets, diving competitions, synchronized swimming, polar bear gatherings, triathlons, fly fishing, car wash fundraisers and baptisms.

Does that help?

M

————————————————-

From:  T

To:  M

We thank you for you ever-so-helpful insights. Your advice is, as always, invaluable…